spontaneous birthings

head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special things

Archive for young love

blooming cliche

The older I get, the more I realize how revealing cliches can be.  I used to hate over-used phrases because I thought they were said out of convenience.  Come on, I used to listen to (aka be obsessed with) Tori Amos, and she had some quirky lyrics which I tried desperately to match – all to avoid the “horrible cliche”.

I’ve been finding that certain phrases that people use over and over are in fact, used over and over, because of their truism – and not because they’re just phrases that easily come to mind.  For example, everyone always says (and by “everyone,” I mean people who have already found the love of their lives and try to encourage their single friends that they will find the same), “Just wait and the right person will come along,” or “Don’t search for it; it’ll find you when the time is right.”  I say these things all the time to my friends.  I even tell myself the same thing.

So, why is it difficult to believe when it really happens to me? I have been single for over 3 years now.  I’ve dated some, but nothing has been serious, and I’ve actually enjoyed my single life in the past couple of years, focusing on my self-growth and positive betterment. 

Then out of the blue, I get hit with sunshine, and feelings for a special someone start blooming without my noticing…until I say out loud how I feel to myself, and then tell that special someone because I can’t keep it in.  And then it becomes real, and feelings mature all on their own as if they know what is best for us. 

And now, here I am, in shock that cliches can be beautiful. 

in dreams pt. 2

It happened again, but this time, with fireworks.

The Ex is there.  (I’ll call him Mr. Ex.)  He is in the kitchen, separated from the room I am in (a metaphor for the nature of our relationship?), and tells me he just got back from Colorado.  “Oh, that’s nice,” I reply.  He was there visiting his girlfriend’s family.  His girlfriend.  The blood rushes from my head to my toes.

Scene changes, as they quickly do in dreams.

I am chatting with a homely girl.  She is his girlfriend.  All of a sudden, a rage bursts from my chest, out of my throat, and I yell, “I loved him!; I was in love with him!; He told me I was the best girlfriend he ever had!” and blah blah, some more roaring.  It feels really good and I can feel my skin glowing.  I think Mr. Ex is smiling.

And then I wake up with a start, needing to urinate badly.  Had I not really gotten over him?  Is this me accepting the past, and finally letting go?  Does dreaming it help me let it go? 

Was I really in love?