meaningful head fluff

February 20, 2007 at 1:00 pm · Filed under adoption, dreams, history, thought bubbles and tagged: adoption, dreams, family

I visited Kim & Bill, and adorable-precious-deliciously-cute little Lani this past weekend.  Whenever I do so, I often find myself thinking about being adopted.  It’s a frequent topic between my sister and me, and now whenever I hold Lani, I wonder how it was when I was as small as she.  Who held me?  Did someone try and make me giggle and laugh?  

I never desired to find my birthparents.  I held the resolve that it wasn’t possible since there was no information about me and where I came from and to whom I belonged.  And besides, I have a family.

One night this weekend I dreamt that I was in an old apartment.  A bunch of children, around 10-16 years old, ran through the halls trying to find their room.  The room that had information about their birthparents.  I found mine, and in it was a letter saved for me.  It was from an aunt.  I think it was in Korean, but I don’t remember.  I don’t think I even knew what it said.  It was thrilling enough that something was actually left behind for me.  I had access to a bit of my birth history.

I ran to find Kim.  She held up something ornate, very beautiful, but I don’t recall what it was.  I think it was from her grandmother, but the details are vague.  We were both so happy.

I haven’t had a dream about birthparents or Korea or anything from my infancy since I was in Korea, or the first year or so I was in the States.  It really surprised me that I had dreamt this at all.  Perhaps my openness to learning about my past and the country in which I breathed my first breath invited the dream.  I do want to go back to visit the orphanage and see where I came from.  I know now that I have to do this for myself.  Because I want to go back.  Because it’s all a part of me.

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