Those who know me, who have listened to me rant and rave about society, culture, my life, their life, etc., know that I tend to get dreamy and philosophical.
I’ve been hit with something recently that is too fresh to expand on here, but that has opened a new door in yet another hallway, to yet another bungalow in my life.
In the past couple of years, I’ve felt that I’ve grown what a normal person my age would grow in, say, 5 or 6 years. Yes, it’s that dramatic. I’ve changed my lifestyle so I can better live the way I admire and eventually embrace without effort. I’m talking a life of minimum sugar (a major obstacle for me), minimum caffeine (another obstacle), of meditation and calm (the former is like climbing Mt. Everest and the latter and I have a nice friendship going on), of bubbling laughter and good vibes and good food – you know, a lifetime of vacation. Not to discount hard work (I can be quite the over-achiever), but really I think we all can live a “vacation” life – and still treat each other with compassion and respect.
Back to philosophizing. I thought the other day, “Who am I really?” “Where do I fit in the big picture?”
I thought I had myself figured out; I know what I like and dislike; I know what values I seek in friends and lovers, what I fear about relationships in general; I know my life goals. I am more confident with myself and what I offer others than I have ever felt in my life; yet, I still felt doubt about my true self in that moment.
I’ve always wanted answers. I’m curious; I ask questions a lot. But sometimes, answers aren’t required. So I guess I’m not done growing up. Such is the cliche, but it is exciting, no?
spontaneous birthings 
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