spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for tae kwon do
energy shooter
Some of the greatest life lessons I’ve learned from my instructors at Yong Studios where I practice TKD. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard precious bits of advice about the art of TKD that so easily carries over to the art of living – about listening, about patience, about determination, about inner balance, and meeting struggle with acceptance and flexibility rather than stiffness and aggression.
A recent valuable quote was something about how your energy travels through your eyes. So wherever your eyes connect – be it an object, a person, whatever – is where your energy shoots out from the core of your being.
I’ve been conscious of this since I heard it last week. It makes me realize how important it is to be present, to be aware of each moment in your life, to spare your energy from being wasted (by focusing and dwelling on negative things) and instead, let it embrace someone you love, a memory that makes you smile, linger through a song that you can’t tire of listening – to melt into that positivity and simply be an expression of all that is beautiful in you and the world you see.
a perhaps secret
I have a secret. It’s more like a tugging feeling that I’ve had since I was a child. It’s a secret that doesn’t have a concrete beginning or end. It’s as if it’s composed of spiderwebs, miraculously strong but can be torn apart by a fingernail. I was planning to reveal it when I do, indeed, write my memoir. I thought I would have figured my life out by then, discuss it with detail and confidence that whatever is was supposed to be and look at the results of my life, and be content with them.
But the tugging never ends. I’ve written about my pursuit of finding my purpose and nothing much has changed. What has changed is that I am no longer afraid of change.
I have always held a confidence that even I know not where it comes. Why am I so certain that everything will work out and that I will somehow find myself doing meaningful work for others and myself? How can I hold such faith when I cannot explain it?
When I was in the 4th grade, a spiritual man told me that I was special. I believed him with my whole heart. Perhaps I needed to hear that more than ever in my childhood and so I was influenced with more fervor than he probably intended, but that moment pops up in my consciousness every now and then, like a flicker that keeps reminding me to seek a greater goal, a bigger vision, a better way of offering my gifts to others. My life has not been golden; in fact, quite the opposite for there was always a darkness in the pit of my stomach – perhaps why the tugging remained.
Why do I confess this now? I am listening to what my body is telling me. Perhaps it’s TKD and the wonderful people who I have the pleasure of knowing, but I am listening to what my being needs. And oddly, my external surrounding is matching them.
There are no coincidences. That’s what you find out when you start paying attention.
in focus
Life is so much more enjoyable when everything is in focus. My past few weeks of being in a bad mood and translating that to people I came across is a perfect example of what happens when my life is not in focus.
Those who are familiar with my blog know how dedicated I am to the martial art of tae kwon do (TKD), which is all about focus. In class, we learn how to focus on our breathing as a way of expelling chatter from our minds. We focus on our breaths as a way of experiencing emptiness in a good way, in an uncluttered, calm kind of way (not the type of emptiness that leaves hearts cold). We focus on our techniques and specific skills to strengthen our body, as well. Without concentration, we lose our balance, we forget certain moves, we lose motivation.
So, what do I do to maintain focus, my inner equilibrium that helps me stay sane and strive for the good and positive in life? I befriend those who I admire and who motivate me to enjoy life – and not just the easy things in life, but also the challenging things in life. I try my best to avoid negative energies, be they in people, places or things. And I’m learning how to listen to my body and react to it with compassion. Without compassion, the purpose of concentrating on an object, be it a long-term goal or a spot on the wall to do 3-count round-kick can be misdirected and feelings of failure or other similar negative energies can bubble up, ruining a perfectly good day.
It took a run-in with an old friend to remind me about the significance of keeping focused on a lifestyle that suits me, and today I am happy to choose “cheerfulness!”*
*Only a dear childhood friend will get this joke. But it does ring true.
core threads
My core threads have been disintegrating the past couple of weeks, maybe even more. I’ve felt off-balance, more irritable than usual, quick to anger, extremely tired and my heart unwilling to help others. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? A couple of instances have spurred my negative attitude, but they are no real reasons for my state of funk. So what happened?
It’s like I said, my core threads have been loosening. The pieces of calm and patience and humility that help manage my inner balance have been neglected. The culprit is me and my failure to attend to my mind/body/spirit needs. It’s true. Your body tells you things, and the way I’ve been reacting as of late is a clear indication that I have not been nourishing myself in the positive ways that I should.
I have missed TKD for a week. I have not been in tune to my spiritual center; I have not been giving my body the rest it needs; I have disconnected myself from the better person I want to be.
I realize more and more how important it is for me to keep working on my life. I have to remember that molding it into one of compassion and kindess takes work. For me to treat people with love, even when they anger me, requires that I first take care of myself positively, before I can even share my energy with others. But it all starts at my center and whether or not I feel balanced.
