spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for human behavior
inspiration paused
Today I feel exceptionally uninspired. It’s one of those dreary days, a chill in the air (that would otherwise be refreshing) but matched with a grey sky and could-storm-at-any-minute atmosphere, it makes you feel crappy.
Because our culture rewards remarkability and inspiration and wittiness, I feel even more uninspired than an average day when I’m just average uninspired. Yes, there is a difference.
When I’m average uninspired, I still leave room for a glint of genius. But today, my creative pores feel clogged, like someone had plugged cement in them during the middle of the night.
And even still, I want to shout from the rooftop of my office building, that “Being uninspired is OK!”
If I feel like a lump of “meh,” it’s OK. I am all the more inspiring on a more-than-average-uninspired day.
on love
How do we understand love? I believe since the day I was born, I have been searching for peace in love. Peace in knowing how to receive and peace in knowing how to give. I used to think it was a self-assigned journey. That, I, out of the billions of people out there, have this unique challenge to dig out the roots of love, to nourish them, plant them someplace new, and let them sprout for a new generation. How wrong I was.
Love is not something for me to understand. It is a gift for all of us – for each one of us to make sense of. (And for those of you who see love as a curse, I am sorry for you.)
For even I who experience love and pain so deeply know, without a doubt, that love is a gift. Even when it hurts. Even when you discover secrets in its dark holes. Even when you feel like you cannot bear it anymore.
Love shines because it is within you. It is a part of you. Love shines in me not because it is love and that is love’s job. But because I shine from within.
yes, we change
I’ve written about this before, but these past handful of months require my iterating again…How did I get here??
A friend told me that I always have to understand things. I ask questions because I am naturally pulled into a backstory that does not exist. I like details.
I am an arm’s reach away from earning my Master’s degree in Communications. I am in love with the most amazing and perfectly-compatible person I could ever find in this world. I experience joy in the mundane and get shaken up when words fail me and emotions take over. I allow emotions to take over. How did I get here??
When I think about my life – my core being - when I first started this blog, it’s boggling to think how much I’ve changed, how much people change in general in a mere few years. What is it in our existence that instinctively transforms? What is it in us that begs to be improved, made better, made more whole and more giving to others? I think this progression happens to all of us. Some are attentive to it and nurture it along. Some ignore what’s happening inside and miss out on an almost out-of-body experience during which they find out we all have a potential to do something special with our lives.
I don’t necessarily need an answer to my former question How did I get here? I am here and that is that. But, now what?
(What do I do with my Master’s? What can I contribute to others and to this society? How can I maintain my sense of awe in the life spread before me? How else will I change? …)
high-five CT!
Funny how we live in a culture that crams diversity down your throat, and yet news like this: Connecticut Ruling Overturns Ban on Same-Sex Marriage is newsworthy at all. Being respectful and kind to another person isn’t news. Hasn’t anyone heard of the Golden Rule? We talk a fluffy Kumbaya, but when it comes right down to it, we’re scared to death of unfamiliarity.
I mean, high-five to CT, but seriously, it’s about damn time.
So my message to you, dear readers, is: Get your head out of the sand and get familiar with your neighbors. Be nice and stop judging. Thank you.
ifs, ands, butts
You have to wonder why the body reacts when it does, why at certain times, why when the mind seems to have no idea of what is to happen.
It has been over 2 1/2 years since I last smoked a cigarette. Why, after all this time, have I been craving cigarettes? It’s happened once or twice, here and there, usually late at night, and linger no longer than a few seconds. The past week or so, the desire loiters longer, is a bit stronger, and makes me want to shake whatever brain neurons are making me feel this way – shake them like an Etch-a-Sketch so everything is fuzzed out, and the craving does not exist.
It is revolting to me to smell smoked tobacco. It makes my throat tense and my nose scrunch and my stomach turn. So, why, when I want to puke at the smell of cigarettes, is this happening? What’s even more odd is that I don’t feel any stress or strain in my life, which were former reasons for my lighting up.
My craving is a contradiction. Things are going great in my life. And yet I have an urge to light up something that can kill me. Granted, I will never, ever smoke another cigarette. I know the outcome will be too grave to risk such a stupid and impulsive behavior. However, why does my body trick me into wanting something so destructive when my mind is clear and everything in my life is going so well?
It makes me wonder, how connected is the mind to the body and vice versa?
