spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for education
yes, we change
I’ve written about this before, but these past handful of months require my iterating again…How did I get here??
A friend told me that I always have to understand things. I ask questions because I am naturally pulled into a backstory that does not exist. I like details.
I am an arm’s reach away from earning my Master’s degree in Communications. I am in love with the most amazing and perfectly-compatible person I could ever find in this world. I experience joy in the mundane and get shaken up when words fail me and emotions take over. I allow emotions to take over. How did I get here??
When I think about my life – my core being - when I first started this blog, it’s boggling to think how much I’ve changed, how much people change in general in a mere few years. What is it in our existence that instinctively transforms? What is it in us that begs to be improved, made better, made more whole and more giving to others? I think this progression happens to all of us. Some are attentive to it and nurture it along. Some ignore what’s happening inside and miss out on an almost out-of-body experience during which they find out we all have a potential to do something special with our lives.
I don’t necessarily need an answer to my former question How did I get here? I am here and that is that. But, now what?
(What do I do with my Master’s? What can I contribute to others and to this society? How can I maintain my sense of awe in the life spread before me? How else will I change? …)
why blog?
I’ve been swept up in a blog tornado and question why I blog here. Why I blog at all? When I first started, I felt as if I had to say something meaningful, something serious, something that felt like a ton of bricks. A friend commented, “Just write for goodness sakes!” And I did.
But what I’m finding out is that blogging is not just about writing. It’s more than that. I’ve just finished reading Naked Conversations for a class in digital technology, and now I care about my blog. Before, I wrote about my life and thoughts because I am a writer and writers share these types of things. But now, I feel I should do more than share. I am not a fan of “shoulds” in general, but when you blog, you are held responsible for the chain of exchanges that will follow. You guide a conversation that will transform into something you have no control over simply because it has been picked up and picked apart by readers. And you have to be OK with it.
In case you’re curious, you can find a link to my blog for class, musings of a mediabot, here.
MBA-ahead!
I have to say, being mindful about every little detail is a difficult lifestyle. I wanted to say “task,” but didn’t think it was appropriate. It does sound like work though, to me at least. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, which will be Friday, because that means the day after starts my week+ vacation with family for the holidays. But I have reasons to celebrate now, too…
I am officially accepted into the dual MA/MBA program at Johns Hopkins. I will tread the MBA-waters starting this spring ‘08. Am I afraid? Very much so. But I’m trying to stay positive; this is what I wanted to do. This is why I chose JHU’s program. So, I keep telling myself, “MBA-ahead!” And hopefully my fears will be calmed.
Another celebration, which I hope it turns out to be, is that I will test for my next belt tonight. I will be a blue belt in TKD, the first of the advanced-level belts, the 5th out of 8 (which is the ultimate black belt).
So I resolve knowing today is a good day, and tomorrow will be a good day too. And that is enough for now.
step back
Taking a step back, for whatever the reason, is usually triggered by a specific event or dialogue, something that has paved the way for contemplation. Has something ever happened to you when you thought incredulously, “This is my life. This is me living my life!”?
We go throughout our day, fulfilling daily tasks, be it work or taking care of children or offering a service of some kind to someone , and all the while we are numb to the minute, detailed moments of each day. This is why meditation and appreciating each second of each day, no matter how sad or awful you feel, is important. It helps us be present in our own lives.
I admit I have been a robot these past several months. I have adopted a routine that has worked for me and that was necessary in order to finish another semester at JHU, maintain my TKD training, and also have some fun. But some days when I’ve felt stressed at work or stressed to get an assignment completed, I let all the moments blur into one and wanted the week, or month, to end. I had forgotten about each moment of each day – until the “ding-ding!” moment happened.
Yong Studios, where I practice TKD, is having an essay contest on “How Tae Kwon Do Has Changed Me.” Being the writer that I am, I participated. It was then that I reflected back on my life and how I’ve changed during the past couple of years. I saw that I live a very good life, a happy and comfortable one. I am without need of material things. I am nourished physically and try to be nourished mentally and spiritually. I am often in good spirits. It was a surprise to realize that “this is me living my life.”
I remember the poetry I wrote when I was younger. The running theme was wanting to be satisfied and fearing that I would always want something I could not have, something as big as love or as little as money – it did not matter which. But, now, I am content and my former fears dissolved.
Yes, this is me living my life. And I can only hope that I’ll be present in each moment, so as not to miss a second of it.
brain food
Tonight’s TKD class was kill-er. It was non-stop kicking, holding stances and quivering from pain and exhaustion. But I’m so glad I went. Not only is it rewarding to know that I can challenge myself physically – to the level that I want to scream – but we learn revealing insights about ourselves, about our bodies and minds.
Master Kim said that we, as humans, utilize only 8% of our brain’s capacity. 8%!! Shocking, right?! Olympic trainers and award-winners use about 12-14% and “crazy old Chinese men who don’t budge when hit with a stick” (as Master described) use about 15%.
How incredible to think of the possibilities if we trained our brain for positive purposes! Imagine how much less suffering, or rather perceptions of suffering, there would be in the world. I am a true believer that we can transform ourselves and our lives by transforming our thoughts. It’s happened to me.
