spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for blogging
yes, we change
I’ve written about this before, but these past handful of months require my iterating again…How did I get here??
A friend told me that I always have to understand things. I ask questions because I am naturally pulled into a backstory that does not exist. I like details.
I am an arm’s reach away from earning my Master’s degree in Communications. I am in love with the most amazing and perfectly-compatible person I could ever find in this world. I experience joy in the mundane and get shaken up when words fail me and emotions take over. I allow emotions to take over. How did I get here??
When I think about my life – my core being - when I first started this blog, it’s boggling to think how much I’ve changed, how much people change in general in a mere few years. What is it in our existence that instinctively transforms? What is it in us that begs to be improved, made better, made more whole and more giving to others? I think this progression happens to all of us. Some are attentive to it and nurture it along. Some ignore what’s happening inside and miss out on an almost out-of-body experience during which they find out we all have a potential to do something special with our lives.
I don’t necessarily need an answer to my former question How did I get here? I am here and that is that. But, now what?
(What do I do with my Master’s? What can I contribute to others and to this society? How can I maintain my sense of awe in the life spread before me? How else will I change? …)
why blog?
I’ve been swept up in a blog tornado and question why I blog here. Why I blog at all? When I first started, I felt as if I had to say something meaningful, something serious, something that felt like a ton of bricks. A friend commented, “Just write for goodness sakes!” And I did.
But what I’m finding out is that blogging is not just about writing. It’s more than that. I’ve just finished reading Naked Conversations for a class in digital technology, and now I care about my blog. Before, I wrote about my life and thoughts because I am a writer and writers share these types of things. But now, I feel I should do more than share. I am not a fan of “shoulds” in general, but when you blog, you are held responsible for the chain of exchanges that will follow. You guide a conversation that will transform into something you have no control over simply because it has been picked up and picked apart by readers. And you have to be OK with it.
In case you’re curious, you can find a link to my blog for class, musings of a mediabot, here.
science of sleep
I had a disturbing dream last night. It was so disturbing that I can’t even describe it here, in this blogosphere that contains my personal thoughts and observations. Blogging to me means revealing something meaningful about our reality or each other; it means revealing something useful.
But I must write about my night-experience, useful or not, because it raises some important questions. I wonder what it means when the unconscious mind uncovers unpleasantness, something bad – like murder? Does dreaming about committing a horrible act imply a secret darkness, that we are capable of such evil deeds? How much are we made of dreams?
Some would argue that our dreams reveal our innermost desires and impulses, however wondrous or horrific. Others would say that they are apparitions of a busy mind, tempered by the act of existing and our brilliant brains, and nothing more. I’m not sure what I believe. I’ve had dreams before that mirrored the tremblings of my brain and heart with uncanny accuracy, and I’ve been able to analyze them as explanations for stress and random mind-wanderings.
But my dream last night was not a simple wandering. I wonder if the evil things we do in dreams reveal something about ourselves? I cannot imagine myself doing what I did in my dream. But maybe I did in some other way…in the way that we all have the option to do good or bad, that there is a very real possibility that we choose bad over good. I suppose our ultimate character is revealed in how we choose in our everyday, non-dream lives. But, what do our subconscious actions say about ourselves? About me?
blogmunity
One of the more frequent topics discussed in the Communication classes I’ve taken so far at Johns Hopkins is the fluctuation of community in a dominantly-digital media environment. Some theorists contend that civic responsibility is a foregone ideology; people are more individualized than ever before. Whereas the TV set in the living room was the hearth of the family, now TV sets in the parent’s room and the child’s room are indicators of a society that no longer talks to each other. On the other hand, theorists more likely to embrace the digital potential, argue that contemporary communication platforms, such as blogs and video podcasts, are creating a new society that is more unified than its predecessor.
Both groups have well-grounded arguments. Generally, I am one of those “old fogies” that is highly suspicious of the rapid pace at which American society produces (whose products often seem useless and a quick money-making scheme). If you need an example, does the segway help? I will not rant about the segway here, but know that I detest it and the fact that some encourage laziness in the disguise of efficiency.
However, I am leaning more towards joining the cheerleading team of the latter group, the group that proudly recognizes bloggers and members of other collaborative digital communities as initiators of a new community – a community of people who like each other, who desire to be connected in ways much more intimate than ever before.
Take my personal example. As a teenager and college student, I was always in search of the “other side.” I was interested in the flip side of whatever was considered mainstream, including music, films, academic doctrine, etc. Like my classmates and all young adults, I sought uniqueness and individualism and sought friends with similar disregard to popular culture.
Perhaps age and maturation shifted my perspective to coincide more so with mainstream culture. I no longer desire to defy or question for the sake of questioning. But I’m not sure if I would have recognized this change if I did not blog. I’ve just recently been introduced to the web indexing of keywords called folksonomy that makes it easier for users to link to other like topics within their own web page or to another web page.
I found myself creating tags (or categories like those on this blog) that were easy to understand. I even changed categories that I thought were too obscure for most people. Why is this significant? It indicates that deep inside, I want to be part of a community that uses the same language and descriptors to make it easier to connect to each other, both literally and figuratively. I am no longer the rebellious 18-year-old. I now choose to be a member of the ever-increasing digital majority – bloggers.
The question is: Are we part of a community barely connected by millions of individual bubbles? Or are we forging into an army of new collaborative communicators?
intrigue
This is officially my first post, and strangely, I feel like it is not me who is typing these words. The idea of blogs is almost too expansive for me to comprehend. The act of imprinting my thoughts into a network that extends miles around the globe without any direction or intention of mine is a bit elusive. How can I maintain ownership on my thoughts? How do I know what is truely expressed from me, the real day-to-day me, and that I won’t discover the dreaded pseudo-me who writes for selfish possibilities? Blogs have become more than personal megaphones, an open doorway swinging back and forth teasing passerbys to peak in and take a look at the crowd. Now they’re two-way streets between sellers and consumers. They’re mirrors to the writers themselves, magnifying their obsessions, their flaws, their significant inconsistencies, and at moments, shine brilliance unexpectedly.
I wonder if blogging will affect my life. If my eye grows keener on instances and observations simply to be able to jot them down. And if I’ll want to jot them down for the pleasure of remembering, or if there’s a greater message I want to get across.



