spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for March, 2008
in dreams do dwell
You can swear “you’re over him” or you’re over that time when you were learning how to ride a bike and your sister promised you an ice cream cone if you made it to the end of the driveway, but when you did, she said she was “just kidding” (ok, maybe I’m not over that), but don’t squeeze your ego too tight, for they have a tendency to pop up in dreams.
There have been a couple of times when I’ve dreamt of former boyfriends. It always suprises me for I think of them rarely. Why dream of them now when it has been years since the break-up? And why dream of them when the interaction is a mere passing or a short conversation about nothing in particular?
Other times I shake from dreams very angry and on the verge of crying for yelling at someone for some reason or other. I don’t know why I would have such dreams when I’m perfectly happy with that someone in real life. Is there a hidden resentment? Seems like the obvious answer is Yes, but I think a part of me just wants to yell.
I wonder if I am a different person in my dreams? Do I have a different frame of reference in dreams, a different history and different personality? Can my dream-self grow and mature? I have more questions brewing, but will leave it at that for now…
in focus
Life is so much more enjoyable when everything is in focus. My past few weeks of being in a bad mood and translating that to people I came across is a perfect example of what happens when my life is not in focus.
Those who are familiar with my blog know how dedicated I am to the martial art of tae kwon do (TKD), which is all about focus. In class, we learn how to focus on our breathing as a way of expelling chatter from our minds. We focus on our breaths as a way of experiencing emptiness in a good way, in an uncluttered, calm kind of way (not the type of emptiness that leaves hearts cold). We focus on our techniques and specific skills to strengthen our body, as well. Without concentration, we lose our balance, we forget certain moves, we lose motivation.
So, what do I do to maintain focus, my inner equilibrium that helps me stay sane and strive for the good and positive in life? I befriend those who I admire and who motivate me to enjoy life – and not just the easy things in life, but also the challenging things in life. I try my best to avoid negative energies, be they in people, places or things. And I’m learning how to listen to my body and react to it with compassion. Without compassion, the purpose of concentrating on an object, be it a long-term goal or a spot on the wall to do 3-count round-kick can be misdirected and feelings of failure or other similar negative energies can bubble up, ruining a perfectly good day.
It took a run-in with an old friend to remind me about the significance of keeping focused on a lifestyle that suits me, and today I am happy to choose “cheerfulness!”*
*Only a dear childhood friend will get this joke. But it does ring true.
core threads
My core threads have been disintegrating the past couple of weeks, maybe even more. I’ve felt off-balance, more irritable than usual, quick to anger, extremely tired and my heart unwilling to help others. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? A couple of instances have spurred my negative attitude, but they are no real reasons for my state of funk. So what happened?
It’s like I said, my core threads have been loosening. The pieces of calm and patience and humility that help manage my inner balance have been neglected. The culprit is me and my failure to attend to my mind/body/spirit needs. It’s true. Your body tells you things, and the way I’ve been reacting as of late is a clear indication that I have not been nourishing myself in the positive ways that I should.
I have missed TKD for a week. I have not been in tune to my spiritual center; I have not been giving my body the rest it needs; I have disconnected myself from the better person I want to be.
I realize more and more how important it is for me to keep working on my life. I have to remember that molding it into one of compassion and kindess takes work. For me to treat people with love, even when they anger me, requires that I first take care of myself positively, before I can even share my energy with others. But it all starts at my center and whether or not I feel balanced.
