spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for December, 2007
MBA-ahead!
I have to say, being mindful about every little detail is a difficult lifestyle. I wanted to say “task,” but didn’t think it was appropriate. It does sound like work though, to me at least. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, which will be Friday, because that means the day after starts my week+ vacation with family for the holidays. But I have reasons to celebrate now, too…
I am officially accepted into the dual MA/MBA program at Johns Hopkins. I will tread the MBA-waters starting this spring ‘08. Am I afraid? Very much so. But I’m trying to stay positive; this is what I wanted to do. This is why I chose JHU’s program. So, I keep telling myself, “MBA-ahead!” And hopefully my fears will be calmed.
Another celebration, which I hope it turns out to be, is that I will test for my next belt tonight. I will be a blue belt in TKD, the first of the advanced-level belts, the 5th out of 8 (which is the ultimate black belt).
So I resolve knowing today is a good day, and tomorrow will be a good day too. And that is enough for now.
step back
Taking a step back, for whatever the reason, is usually triggered by a specific event or dialogue, something that has paved the way for contemplation. Has something ever happened to you when you thought incredulously, “This is my life. This is me living my life!”?
We go throughout our day, fulfilling daily tasks, be it work or taking care of children or offering a service of some kind to someone , and all the while we are numb to the minute, detailed moments of each day. This is why meditation and appreciating each second of each day, no matter how sad or awful you feel, is important. It helps us be present in our own lives.
I admit I have been a robot these past several months. I have adopted a routine that has worked for me and that was necessary in order to finish another semester at JHU, maintain my TKD training, and also have some fun. But some days when I’ve felt stressed at work or stressed to get an assignment completed, I let all the moments blur into one and wanted the week, or month, to end. I had forgotten about each moment of each day – until the “ding-ding!” moment happened.
Yong Studios, where I practice TKD, is having an essay contest on “How Tae Kwon Do Has Changed Me.” Being the writer that I am, I participated. It was then that I reflected back on my life and how I’ve changed during the past couple of years. I saw that I live a very good life, a happy and comfortable one. I am without need of material things. I am nourished physically and try to be nourished mentally and spiritually. I am often in good spirits. It was a surprise to realize that “this is me living my life.”
I remember the poetry I wrote when I was younger. The running theme was wanting to be satisfied and fearing that I would always want something I could not have, something as big as love or as little as money – it did not matter which. But, now, I am content and my former fears dissolved.
Yes, this is me living my life. And I can only hope that I’ll be present in each moment, so as not to miss a second of it.
a day’s revelation
Blackbirds are most active on cold, bitter days. They flock to the treetops as if in initiation to a mystery familiar only to nature and its winged creatures. Perhaps its the biting wind that enthuses them to circle around in simple formations, as if they are a flock of butterflies, careless and at play.
It is always during wintertime that I notice the blackbirds’ dramatic dances across a cloudless sky. They squeal with delight as they ride on the biting wind, as if the cold is even too much for them. It is a beautiful sight and fills me with awe. How wondrous to pause and observe such beauty while I am cursing the cold. It makes the shivering worth it – just for this moment of peace. And then when the moment could not be even more inspiring, I see the blackbirds perch on bare branches and I walk beneath them, peek at their bodies spot the limbs above, and am filled with immense gratitude that I am present and simply, alive.
But, as I continue to walk, I notice a small, dirtied and wet body of an animal. It is a squirrel, dead for about a day, its head slung over to one side in an unnatural way, its lower half of body exposed. I understand why the blackbirds circle above. It is their mealtime. The peaceful moment is ruined. I skirm as I walk by; it has always been an instinct to skirm when I see roadkill.
The blackbirds continue their celebration. And soon, I forget about the squirrel and fall back into loving the vision of blackbirds dancing.
