spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for August, 2007
27-years & 180-turn
Birthdays are special not because it marks a whole new age-identity, but because they can be markers of significant changes. Some ages are more observed and noted by the celebrants – 18, 21, 30 and 50 for example are milestones in one’s lifetime.
Today is my birthday and I have reached my 27th year. I can’t say that I feel particularly different. I have been anticipating today, and have felt 27 for some time now. But I do not doubt my changes in the past year, which I am learning have been recognized by others. (That blows me away.)
I don’t think you can really see how much internal change has occurred until it is pointed out by someone else. And honestly, to me it doesn’t seem that much has changed from my birthday post a year ago. I am still smoke-free (yay!), health-conscious, and kicking butt in tae kwon do. A year ago, I had decided to go to grad school. Now, I’m half way through my Communication Masters degree and will start my MBA degree this Spring.
I’m learning that it’s small changes that dramatically change your life. I find that I laugh a lot more than I used to. I feel less stressed at work, with finances, and find that I rarely experience dark emotions such as jealousy or anger. Frustration is still my friend, and usually blaming someone for an inconvenience, but all in all, I feel satisfied. Happy. Content. And that is enough for people to notice.
I was told today that I seemed to have taken a 180-turn. I have. Sometimes I get a glimpse of the “old Kristen” and can barely recognize her. Now, the “new Kristen” has become not so new anymore. This past year has smoothed out my insecurities (though, of course, some are still hiding in their corners), has made friends with my perfectionist nature, and has prepared me for a life of patience and learning – both of which I hope to never tire of.
future preview
Having an intimate glimpse of a possible future has spurred travel plans and other long-desired adventures. My sister and niece’s stay with me this past weekend was a busy, exhausting experience of which I loved every second. It was a preview of motherhood and chasing a 1-year-old around making sure nothing choke-worthy entered her mouth.
It was proof that I am not ready, (emotionally, physically, or financially) for such a child-dominated life. I am still selfish, focused on my advanced education and strengthening of my mental and physical abilities through TKD. I enjoy peaceful quiet and solitude (sometimes too much) and being able to quickly find keys, shoes and other necessary objects that can be hidden for hours from little hands tossing them under beds or behind couch cushions. I like being in control of my life and plan accordingly. Motherhood defies self control; it is the child who has the wheel.
But now that my apartment is empty of baby babble and bits of breakfast on the floor, I miss the mess and the thumps of Lani falling to the floor when she loses her balance. I miss having someone to watch over, to care for, to act silly for. Is this the best part of motherhood?
Suddenly, I feel an urge to fulfill some of my longest goals like travel to different parts of the world. This morning I looked up flights to Germany to visit my high-school friend who has been living there the past couple of years and who I’ve promised I’d visit. I will soon be 27 and who knows how quickly my future will change.
If I’ve learned anything this past weekend, it is more than an understanding of what my sister’s life is like as a mother. It’s strengthened my goals and the things I want to accomplish and has me prepared for a future that I certainly am excited to experience.
blogmunity
One of the more frequent topics discussed in the Communication classes I’ve taken so far at Johns Hopkins is the fluctuation of community in a dominantly-digital media environment. Some theorists contend that civic responsibility is a foregone ideology; people are more individualized than ever before. Whereas the TV set in the living room was the hearth of the family, now TV sets in the parent’s room and the child’s room are indicators of a society that no longer talks to each other. On the other hand, theorists more likely to embrace the digital potential, argue that contemporary communication platforms, such as blogs and video podcasts, are creating a new society that is more unified than its predecessor.
Both groups have well-grounded arguments. Generally, I am one of those “old fogies” that is highly suspicious of the rapid pace at which American society produces (whose products often seem useless and a quick money-making scheme). If you need an example, does the segway help? I will not rant about the segway here, but know that I detest it and the fact that some encourage laziness in the disguise of efficiency.
However, I am leaning more towards joining the cheerleading team of the latter group, the group that proudly recognizes bloggers and members of other collaborative digital communities as initiators of a new community – a community of people who like each other, who desire to be connected in ways much more intimate than ever before.
Take my personal example. As a teenager and college student, I was always in search of the “other side.” I was interested in the flip side of whatever was considered mainstream, including music, films, academic doctrine, etc. Like my classmates and all young adults, I sought uniqueness and individualism and sought friends with similar disregard to popular culture.
Perhaps age and maturation shifted my perspective to coincide more so with mainstream culture. I no longer desire to defy or question for the sake of questioning. But I’m not sure if I would have recognized this change if I did not blog. I’ve just recently been introduced to the web indexing of keywords called folksonomy that makes it easier for users to link to other like topics within their own web page or to another web page.
I found myself creating tags (or categories like those on this blog) that were easy to understand. I even changed categories that I thought were too obscure for most people. Why is this significant? It indicates that deep inside, I want to be part of a community that uses the same language and descriptors to make it easier to connect to each other, both literally and figuratively. I am no longer the rebellious 18-year-old. I now choose to be a member of the ever-increasing digital majority – bloggers.
The question is: Are we part of a community barely connected by millions of individual bubbles? Or are we forging into an army of new collaborative communicators?



