spontaneous birthings

head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special things

Archive for May, 2007

va gun raffle

We (i.e., America) certainly have an interesting way of reacting to tragedies.  Last month, the media flooded our information periphery with the shootings at Virginia Tech.  32 students and faculty members had died.  A lonely senior, Seung-Hui Cho, whose parents immigrated from South Korea, was the shooter and ultimately, took his life.

The nation was paralyzed with the event.  The media called it a “massacre.”  Seung-Hui was called a “madman.”  While I don’t mean to demean the tragedy in any way, I want to point out several significant implications. 

First, let’s remember that the media is a business.  “They” (I use the term loosely since it involves many mediums) are known to distort and dramatize news all for the sake of increased and loyal viewership.  The media’s repetitive showing of Seung-Hui’s video message jeopardized their role as objective information distributors.  Instead, Seung-Hui was projected as an exemplar madman, the media suggesting that by understanding him, it can help to identify future madmen.  But the latter was only implicit.  Instead, our communities were filled with fear that other teens were just as angry and just as likely to engage in a shooting-free-for-all.

Second, have we not already learned what intensified fear does to our psyche, to our adhesiveness as a country, to our reactionary impulses when confronted with fears head-on (ahem, war in Iraq anyone?)?  It appears not.  Instead, the Virginia Citizens Defense League organized a gun giveaway because its president, Philip Van Cleave, believes that guns protect people.

And third…We live in times where it is possible to do just about anything.  You can communicate with anyone in the world.  You can create a virtual identity and life in cyberspace.  You can learn how to build a bomb online.  And now you can win a free gun just by showing up at a raffle. 

We have a serious problem if we continue to solve issues in such thoughtless ways.  We must stop being so reactionary and seek alternative ways to reach out to our youth.  We should talk about complicated issues like mental illness and stop calling those inflicted “madmen.”  We need to stop living in fear, and start rejecting sources that attempt to fuel this sense of fear, so as to prevent such ridiculous representations of what we really should be concerned about. 

If anything, the gun raffle makes me even more frightened of our mental state and problem-solving tendencies.  Who are these people who won the guns?  Why do they even want the guns?  And what kind of message does this send to small children if they hear that guns killed people one day, but then everyone is having a party because they won a gun the next day?

If you’re interested in Washington Post articles on the Virginia Tech shootings, click here.

20-something plans

I always attributed my inability to look ahead 5 years (let alone 1 year!) as some sort of character flaw.  I thought I just wasn’t wired to look so far ahead.  As it turns out,  I’m just a normal 20-something.   My future is expansive since I have so many years ahead; it’s filled with possibilities and unknown paths.  And knowing all this strengthens my youthful sense of immortality, despite my knowing that one day I’ll pass on.

I met with JHU’s Business Program Advisor this week to get the details of the program and prepare for the application process.  I’ll have to formally apply for the dual MA/MBA degree, which is coming up quite quickly – just in another semester or two.  As I sat there in the advisor’s office, I felt a strong wave of achievement.  I’ve only completed one semester, haven’t even applied to the Business program(!), and yet, I felt like I had accomplished a huge task - I was planning ahead.  Even though I was gathering the details for my immediate future – the Business requirements for the MBA degree, how I should incorporate my current Communication program – and even though it involves only three years of studies (idealistic, but still my goal), it was an amazing feeling to be grounded, to have a plan, and to know that I’ve started running. 

It was a point of maturation for me.  I think I’m now at an age where I’m shifting from being a 20-something to someone who knows what she wants and is making it happen.  It’s thrilling, and even more thrilling to be aware of these subtle, yet dramatic, changes.

on swinging

Yesterday I went swinging. There’s a swingset behind my apartment complex, which my back door literally opens to. When I first moved here in January 2006, I went swinging while it snowed. The white silence was so beautiful, and watching the flakes fall on my warm face was so comforting. No matter how small of a piece I am to this huge universe, I felt so big then – it was just me on the swing dancing with snowflakes.

I love pumping my legs like a little child, earnestly trying to get higher and higher, until I finally feel like I’m soaring across the sky, up and down, up and down. The best feeling is when my belly feels like it’s dropping onto the ground, as if the momentum drives it back to its earthly beginning.

I love to look up at the sky as if my face can graze the periwinkle canvas, or the leaf bottoms that seem to sparkle lime green, suggesting youthful hope for new life.

It reminds me of when I was young and still in the orphanage in Korea. There was a swingset in the playground. A small group of trees lined the playground’s border. I would swing furiously, trying my hardest to touch the leaves on the tree branches with my toes. It’s one of the few memories I have from back then, and I’m sure has something to do with why swinging is so special to me.

“photo of the day”

National Geographic's Photo of the Day - May 4, 2007

This is an example of how great National Geographic is (see my new page titled suggestions).  Check out their “Photo of the Day” series.

even if to save an ant

I believe we all have a purpose.  To me, it doesn’t involve fate – that word seems too straightforward to truly reflect life’s unsuspected turns. 

The other day I was walking home to my apt., I saw two young boys sitting on the front stoop.  They looked like they were in middle school – 6th or 7th grade maybe.  But, kids look much younger to me than they actually are. 

When I passed them on the stairs to enter the building, I noticed that the smaller of the boys was playing with a lighter.  I looked at the ground, and saw a blank ant curling in agony as it was flooded in orange flames.  I said hello to the boys, opened the door, and for a second, was going to pass without saying anything. 

I looked behind me, and the boys returned my gaze.  “You know,” I said, “What you’re doing is really mean.”  The small boy apologized to me, and the bigger one was silent.

You never really know how big or small your purpose is.  I’m not sure if we can ever be certain that we’re on the right path.  But that’s the beauty of each new day.  We’re given endless opportunities to do something good - even if it’s to save one little ant.