spontaneous birthings
head fluff when illuminated can reveal some very special thingsArchive for August, 2006
26 and holding
I’ve had 26 years of questions, 26 years of seeking, 26 years of contemplation, and now at the start of my 27th year, I’ve let it all go.
I’ve learned that letting something go is different from shoving stale memories into a dusty corner in your mind. It doesn’t mean to push it somewhere to your emotional peripheral. Instead, it’s like releasing from a hug and moving on, without a tugging at the base of your throat to say something.
The past year has been remarkable for me, definitely life-changing, an internal metamorphosis that has allowed me to see what big wings I have.
These are a just a few things I’ve noticed.
- I use cliches that I used to think were over-rated and over-used, and honestly believe in them. For example, read my previous sentence again. I’m proud of my big wings!
- Change is my new energy force. I used to fear change because I thought it would erase good memories, and uproot the chance that more goodness was to come. Now, I’m giddy with the endless possibilities that change promises.
- I care about my body. Seriously, this is quite significant for me. I’ve quit smoking, and the thought of smoking again makes me sick to my stomach. I eat healthy. And recently I’ve taken up Tae Kwon Do. It’s hard to stop caring when you’ve started.
- I’m quite determined to learn more. I was always a bookworm. I have a lot of questions about our natural world, our society, our creative tendencies, and delve into personal narratives and others’ research to shape my own understanding. My curiosity has grown ten-fold. And even if I want to know everything (one of my flaws), I can be happy with pursuing one area. That being said, I’m happy to announce I definitely will go to graduate school. Once I select that area of study (to happen soon!).
- I admit I have flaws.
It’s remarkable to witness a life grow stronger and more beautiful through positive experience and tending. It’s even more amazing to see it happening within yourself. I don’t mean to brag, but today is certainly a day to celebrate.
I’ve been truly blessed. And I’m truly loved. And I will always be grateful.
Here’s to my 27th!!!
50% Korean, 100% Jubilee!
It’s official. I am Auntie Kristen.In the spring, my sister asked me what I wanted my niece to call me. I hadn’t even thought about it. It didn’t seem like a big deal. But the question nurtured various possibilities: Aunt Kristen, Auntie Kristy, Kristen-ajama (“ajama” is Korean for aunt)…The more I thought about it, the more the excitement bubbled up in my chest, and I felt an undeniable urge to mimic what the names would sound like coming out of a 2 or 3-year-old, and all of a sudden, it became quite important.I couldn’t have her call me Auntie Kristy or Krissy. I’ve always disliked both names. I couldn’t be Kristen-ajama, my sister and I both agreed. There was only one “ajama” in our lives – Julie-ajama – a Korean lady who greeted the both of us when we stepped onto US ground for the first time, who had helped my parents assimilate my sister and I into our new lives.
I didn’t want my name to sound too plain, but I finally settled on Auntie Kristen. That was what my sister called me when she first told me she was pregnant.
Now the name doesn’t even matter.
Lani Anne Derrickson was born last night at 5:56 pm. She weighed 7 lbs. and 8 ozs. I wonder why people always add the weight when discussing newborns, but I think I understand now. It’s an amazing thing – childbirth – and the idea that a small, precious body was forming inside of the womb is still almost too incredulous to believe, so it’s a tactile way for us to comprehend the miracle. It’s almost like having proof that the birth actually happened.
I can’t wait to meet Lani, who I’ve been promised has chubby cheeks. I can’t wait to watch her grow and become her favorite aunt – because of course, that’s who I will undoubtedly be. Most of all, I can’t wait to hear her call my name – however she wants to say it.
the starbucks shakes
print date: 7/11/06
Too funny. Reminds me of Starbucks and the unsuspecting mind shakes I get sometimes when I order a drink. “Do I have to say grande? Should I just ask for a small?” But I admit I adhere to the rules. Saying I want an iced grande chai makes me feel like I deserve it.This is from Pearls Before Swine, a must-read during my morning commute.
Note: punching not recommended in real life
notes from san diego
I was only in San Diego for 4 full days, and yet, I was able to collect enough hearty, feel-good-ness to last me a month. Being reunited with a childhood friend for a few days rejuvenates the spirit. And when you can both share in the wonderful effects of cheese, then even greater lessons are learned.
You can watch Madagascar, laugh out loud, and not feel ashamed about it. You can watch it with your friend and revel in the fact that it gets better with multiple viewings.
Here in DC, you drink coffee to wake up. In San Diego, you drink coffee for the sake of coffee-drinking and all of the daydreaming that is allowed when sitting on a wooden deck, overlooking a lush, homemade garden. You watch a lotus flower at the center of a small brook as it opens its arms at daybreak and goes to sleep at night.
You eat burritos and steak and more burritos and more steak because you don’t worry about getting fat. There is no room to worry when your belly is full. There is, however, always room for cake.
You go to the zoo even though you don’t have any kids. And you laugh and point at the monkeys, coo at the baby monkeys, and giggle when a boy yells “What are they doing?” when he notices an unabashed pair procreating (who the adults had been watching but wouldn’t dare to comment). And you laugh loudly because you wanted to all along.
You notice how the attraction to feel-good cheese grows stronger the more you age. You notice because you see it happening to your friend. And that makes you smile even bigger.
